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Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU

  • Published on: 17 November 2015
  • People may know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like, but most don’t know how to get one. Psychologist and researcher Joanne Davila describes how you can create the things that lead to healthy relationships and reduce the things that lead to unhealthy ones using three evidence-based skills – insight, mutuality, and emotion regulation. Share this with everyone who wants to have a healthy relationship.

    Dr. Joanne Davila is a Professor of Psychology and the Director of Clinical Training in the Department of Psychology at Stony Brook University. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from UCLA.
    Dr. Davila’s expertise is in the area of romantic relationships and mental health in adolescents and adults, and she has published widely in this area. Her current research focuses on romantic competence among youth and emerging adults, the development of relationship education programs, the interpersonal causes and consequences of depression and anxiety, and well-being and relationship functioning among lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals.
    Dr. Davila is a Fellow in the Association for Psychological Science and the Incoming Editor (2016-2022) for the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
    Dr. Davila also is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in evidence-based interventions for relationship problems, depression, and anxiety.


    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx
  • Runtime : 15:53
  • TEDxTalks English United States Health Life Mental health Personal growth Psychology Relationships Romance

COMMENTS: 40

  • JamiAndMarla LOVE
    JamiAndMarla LOVE   16 hours ago

    Building these skills is so vital!!!! It is not only possible it is worth putting in the work!!

  • Eliot Nathanson
    Eliot Nathanson   2 days ago

    Healthy relationships are just as important than healthy finances. These skills are critical.

  • FITIGAU MIRCEA
    FITIGAU MIRCEA   3 days ago

    I\'m not sure but ,if anyone else trying to find out how to improve your marriage relationship try Tarbetti Marriage Improver Tutor (do a search on google ) ? Ive heard some super things about it and my brother in law got cool results with it.

  • Jaime Rojas
    Jaime Rojas   4 days ago

    Awesome info but this woman is Death. She is a computer 🤭

  • Giacomo Bonetti
    Giacomo Bonetti   1 weeks ago

    this was such a good talk! I'd like to add one thing: I think meditation can help immensely in developing those three skills

  • Lana Schott
    Lana Schott   1 weeks ago

    My mom died when I was 13 my Dad was an abusive alcoholic who never even said I love you. I grew up not knowing love and looking for it in all the wrong places. This talk struck a nerve in me I don’t feel sorry for myself but I wished there was a high school course that taught this instead of other silly and unecessary things taught. Thanks for enlightenment 😊

  • J Had
    J Had   1 weeks ago

    Yes learning about healthy relationships is vital, i wish i knew before.

  • Gabbie
    Gabbie   2 weeks ago

    All this stuff is common sense tho lol we’ll go me it is

  • KanchoKomancho
    KanchoKomancho   2 weeks ago

    Lesson: You have nothing real external to your own consciousnes

  • Lilly Shaybakova
    Lilly Shaybakova   2 weeks ago

    Thank you for such a brilliant talk! It may seem so simple for some people, and they'd say that there's nothing they do not know about. But how difficult these points are! For me personally the emotion regulation is the most complicated one. If you read my comment, please, give your examples on how you're reaching it. It seems impossible to me with such a wide range of strong diverse feelings. I'd love to have some conversations on this topic, especially in terms of different mentality of people from all over the world.

  • Rachel Gong
    Rachel Gong   2 weeks ago

    I do not understand what she is talking with strange the examples, such as a partner was not texting on time. Being anxious about this kinda things? It is nothing in life. We are facing things more terrible and cruel.

  • Daniel Lee
    Daniel Lee   3 weeks ago

    She lectured about terms but there was very little 'how to' teaching in her talk, which was the thrust of what she was saying is the problem. I'd give this a 5 out of 10.

  • Johnathon Maurice
    Johnathon Maurice   3 weeks ago

    I'm 24 ( young) and have been practicing these skills. They are very helpful and my relationship has been great ( definitely not perfect) thus far. It's a continuos practice, that has stared to become second nature. Im am truly amazed. Thank you.

  • Fable
    Fable   1 months ago

    I've been entering a new relationship recently and I came on this video to find some advice on how to avoid screwing up this time. Strangely enough, what I learned is that I'm doing much better than I thought. That's so comforting! It's hard to constantly keep those three skills in mind, but I feel like I'm doing pretty good. This really made me feel better!

  • Adam Wheeler
    Adam Wheeler   1 months ago

    Emotion regulation: When you're thinking "Oh my god I'm freaking out!" you just don't think that. LOL

  • Wenyi Chu
    Wenyi Chu   1 months ago

    I'm curious to learn the specific step to develop this romantic competence

  • Ceh. H.
    Ceh. H.   1 months ago

    good video seriously this is 100% what ive learned in the past. but also how to accept yourself and not be so jealous/anxious

  • Lukkassu
    Lukkassu   1 months ago

    I have good insight and good mutuality with my boyfriend but i have horrible emotional regulation :( ive grown up with emotionally negligent parents so i dont know how to handle my emotions sometimes besides deperately holding back on things or impulsively acting on them. I'm working through it, though!

  • linh chi cao
    linh chi cao   1 months ago

    Insight, mutuality, emotion regulation. That's good!!!

  • Vritti Echo
    Vritti Echo   1 months ago

    I've been trying to get poeple to understand these concepts but they dont take me seriously.

  • mike riolo
    mike riolo   1 months ago

    How about trying to have a relationship with a narcissist no respect unrequited love cheating abuse mental cruelty manipulation vindictiveness.

  • geoleejohn
    geoleejohn   1 months ago

    she said that girls who had these skills showed fewer depressive symptoms as if the lack of skills causes depression when i think it is the other way around the majority of the time. when people have depression they have low self esteem, they are more impatient and irritable.

  • Olive Papyrus
    Olive Papyrus   1 months ago

    First lesson: find yourself a partner who is willing to learn and develop themselves alongside you.

  • Pauline Russell
    Pauline Russell   2 months ago

    Great advice and good food for thought a lot of relationship problems could be avoided by following the skills.

  • Pauline Russell
    Pauline Russell   2 months ago

    Great advice and good food for thought a lot of relationship problems could be avoided by following the skills.

  • Sandra Jefferson
    Sandra Jefferson   2 months ago

    Oh god I just found out I’m a relationship incompetent person! I need to get to work 😩😢😩

  • Jay
    Jay   2 months ago

    I just wanna find a guy that's cuddly and conversation friendly

  • Nobody Noel
    Nobody Noel   2 months ago

    I'm on the "how to meet people" step still though